I can explain

Friend of mine was desperately in need of a placement: housefull of kids, bills piling up, no receivables. He was relieved to finally make a deal for a high-level CFO with a Texas company. A few days before the candidate (we'll call him John) was due to start, late on a Sunday evening, my friend was melting down his old college class ring to make into jewelry, and the telephone rang (never a good sign on Sunday evening).
"Hello?"
"Joe, it's Hiring Authority X"
(Heart falls into stomach.)
"Listen, Joe, I was flying over the weekend, and while I was waiting at a gate at the airport, I ran into a friend of mine who works at a competitor. We chatted for a while, and I mentioned that I had just hired John for the CFO position. Turns out your guy used to work for my friend."
"Really." Deeper sinking.
"Yeah, listen, I know this will sound weird, but I need you to call your guy tonight and ask him if he's ever shot his wife."
"Shot his wife?!"
"Yeah, and listen: if he did shoot his wife, the deal's dead." Click.
So my buddy Joe paces around the house for a few minutes, dials the candidate.
"Hey, John, it's Joe. Sorry to disturb you on a Sunday evening, but I just got the strangest call from Hiring Authority X, and, I know this is going to sound crazy, ha ha ha, but have you ever shot your wife?"
Long silence.
"I can explain," said the candidate.
Joe covers the mouthpiece, vents some appropriate feelings.
"Please."
Whereupon the candidate launches into the story of a very bad marriage, and of a wife who belittled him constantly. Nothing he did was ever good enough, and she let him know about it stridently whenever he went home. He tried to cope by working longer hours, coming home later and later, adding weekend hours until he was practically living at the office. His wife started calling him on the telephone several times a day to screech at him; if he didn't answer, she redoubled her complaints when she finally caught him in person.
He grew increasingly depressed, to the point that he decided to kill himself. He bought a handgun and some bullets at a gun show. He waited until she was gone from the house, then set about writing a suicide note. Suddenly, she strode into the room.
"What in the hell are you doing?" she demanded.
He burst into tears. "I can't live with your constant complaining any longer," he sobbed. "I've decided to kill myself."
His wife laughed derisively. "You don't have the guts to kill yourself, you worthless slimebag. You've never been able to do anything right, why would you suddenly be able to do something like this?
She stood across the room from him, piling on insult after insult, until something snapped.
"And so I shot her."
"Did you kill her?"
"No, barely grazed her, but it made me realize that I was planning to shoot the wrong person. We've been divorced now for 15 years."
Another pregnant pause.
Now it was bedtime on Sunday evening, and the deal was dead, and Joe was suddenly further from his next deal.
"I'm not getting that CFO job, am I? the candidate asked.
"No, I'm sorry John, but you're not," said Joe.
"How did you find out?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."